Changes in Preferences, Changes in Attitude

It's Tuesday and Lisa is coming out to California next Monday. I figuered I have to get things ready,not only for me and the surgery, but for her and Christmas. Although she is 29 years old, I am still Mom and Mom fixes Christmas. I admit that for the last few years of living alone, I have not gone nuts with decorating, but I know she will be expecting it. So, I headed out to the Mall.

I have become a destination shopper, which is so much out of character for me. I used to be the person that walked miles and miles through stores and knew the inventory so well, I could tell you just where to get what. NOT NOW! I only go to the mall with a plan and mostly shop at Ross or TJMAXX and buy what is available. When I decided to have surgery, I stopping buying clothes. It's amazing how many clothes I have and could have continued to buy, and it's a release NOT to feel the need to buy clothes right now.

I have worn White Linen by Estee Lauder for nearly 30 years and about 2 months ago, i could not stand the scent of it. I didn't know if it had "spoiled" or maybe it's just me, but it's not working anymore. This was sort of a weird thing to happen, it was like losing an old friend. But it was time for a change. The thought of standing in the middle of Macy's and trying to pick out a new one was over whelming to me. It's a feeling of being "lost".

My life had become so SET and so ROUTINE, right down to my fragrance. Heaven help me when I get into these ruts and the companies don't make the products anymore. It's like the stuff can only do with me so far on this journey and now it's time to get new traveling companions. I am learning to accept new ideas and new ways of doing things. I recoginize this as part of the change. I think everything about me and my life is changing.

I was whining about diet coke a few days ago and my friend suggested another great drink, it's not a substitute, but something ELSE. My world is expanding and I am getting out of my narrow little rut.

I am happier every day and looking forward to climbing out of this, lets see what is on the other side of the mountain. Tomorrow is exactly 1 week from the surgery.

I had my last pre-op test on Monday - a stress Echo. Now that was a treat, it's a combination of an EKG, ECHO and LA Fitness. You have to go in there wearing gym clothes and prepared to get on a threadmill. First they do an EKG, which you have to get undressed and have some electodes applied, then take those off and get re-dressed. Then you go into another room, get undressed AGAIN and lay on a table (on your Left side) and have an ECHO, then get more electrodes applied (bigger ones) and a belt thing around your waist and then get on the threadmill. They start it at 1.7 (I'm thinking, this is slow, but then the lady raises the platform), my goodness, I really HATE the threadmill, especially when it's elevated and pretty soon, i want to get off, get a drink and basically get OFF!!!!. About that time, my heart rate went up to 160 and she stopped the test. It lasted all of 4.5 minutes. Come on, 4.5 minutes! Showed me that I am so much "out of shape" and maybe, just maybe, getting a handle on my weight is a pretty good idea.

Before the test, I was sitting in the waiting room with about 6 other people, who were there for the same thing and a man says to me "lady, you are fine, you are not big, why are you getting surgery?" Heavens, i was in complete agreement with him, I did feel small compared to them. But after the test, I got on the elevator (instead of walking down the stairs) and thought about how everyone is different and it's not what we look like, but what's going on inside. My weight is causing problems with diabetes and cholesteral and there are reasons I get "winded" after only 4.5 minutes on a threadmill. I am not all that healthy. HOW can I be healthy at this weight? I am overweight and it's a REAL problem. Just because I can get plus size jeans doesn't mean it's OK to be this weight.

I am changing.